The Way Things Were

My 14-year-old son came to me recently and asked me to share my thoughts about the newest “F” word – Facebook. I cringed. I felt my recent birthday shoulder massage losing is effect. My body stiffened.

I’m just not what you might call a “high-tech” sort of person. I know how to use my computer to write and research. I can attach a document to an email. I can print out a photo. That’s about it. I don’t need to do anymore and I don’t want to do anymore. I’m not that old, but I still remember beginning my writing career in college still writing copy out by hand, then typing on an electric typewriter and then transferring the edited copy to a teletype machine that printed out articles on glossy paper that could be glued down onto layout sheets by hand.

I like to hold books and newspapers in my hand, and I like to either look a person in the eyes or hear their voice on a telephone. Call me old fashioned. All this Twitter, Facebook, My Space is happening too fast for me!

My 9-year-old daughter and I recently read “Anne of Green Gables” together. (I highly recommend this as a precious, memorable mother-daughter activity.) When we finished, she said to me one day, while dressed in her Little House on the Prairie dress that my friend made her last year for her birthday, “Momma, I think I was born at the wrong time.” Without her saying another word, I completely understood. “I wish I was alive back then when things were the way they were then,” she added.

She couldn’t put her finger on it, but we are kindred spirits. I got it.  Back then, when there wasn’t Facebook, My Space and Twitter to try and decipher and determine whether it was going to corrupt your teenager or not. Back then, when friends could play and roam without worry. (I can’t even let my daughter play in our front yard without watching out for her.) Back then, when few devices and toys were necessary – only a hearty imagination. Back then, when books were treasured. Back then, when children honored, respected, and even cherished relationships with adults. Back then, when a “perfect day” (Anne style) meant gathering flowers, taking walks, or baking in the kitchen – instead of going to a mall or spending afternoons on Webkinz.

Providentially, the same day my son wanted to discuss Facebook, I received an invitation to Palmetto Family Council’s kick-off luncheon to educate about their new BTrue teen social initiative and website. As I told my daughter when she was lamenting about being born in the wrong era, the Lord obviously has us in the here and now for a reason. So I immediately signed up to attend the luncheon in hopes of becoming more savvy about the 21^st century – to learn how to be in the world, but not of the world.

The BTrue initiative, I learned was to redirect teens from a world of “If it feels good, do it,” to a lifestyle of commitment and integrity. It is not just about teaching them not to have sex, but why a counter-culture approach can be healthy for them physically, emotionally and spiritually. As a Lexington father expressed, “We need to grab hold of our teens now while we still can, before the world takes them.” The BTrue speakers conveyed how an ongoing dialogue with our teens – not just that one-time “talk” – about what they’re seeing on billboards, on television and in movies, as well as hearing from peers – is imperative. When they need to be discerning, we want it to be our voices they hear inside their heads, not their friends’ voices.

And, if you think that your teens are “safe” if they are in a Christian school, or “safe” because you have brought them up in church, or “safe” because you’re homeschooling them, they are not. Just this week, I learned of a Christian-raised teen who has been posting photographs of herself on her cell phone doing unspeakable things and describing equally unspeakable things on her Facebook for all to read. Her parents thought she was “safe”; she was not.

In an Atlantic Monthly article I read recently, the author talks about how a cross-section of teenagers was asked if they had ever been propositioned through technology or seen anything sexual through technology. All raised their hands. When asked who had told their parents about it, none raised their hands. When asked “Why?” they all said they were afraid their parents would take the technology away.

It’s frightening. As a parent of a teen, I want to bury my head in the sand. I want to tell him to “Just go outside and play,” like I did before he became a teen. I want to daydream about Walnut Grove or Prince Edward Island in the 19^th century. However, as difficult as it is, I am here and the time is now for me to be proactive about my teen and technology. With help from organizations like Palmetto Family Council, Focus on the Family, BTrue and others, we can equip ourselves and our teens with “full armor” so they can join the battle, but not be defeated.